Monthly Archives: October 2011

David Means Is Not Fucking Around

David Means The Spot

David Means wrote this insult with ink made from orphan tears

I bought two copies of Means’ new collection of short stories, The Spot. One for him to sign, the other to leave in the Kids’ section of my local library, looking innocuous if inconspicuous, its cover lacking the cheerful collection of primary colors and anthropomorphic animals one normally finds in the Children section of the local library. Ready to permanently scar some unsuspecting Eager Beaver Reader into wanting to become a short story author.

Click Here for More

People Enjoy NYC Readings, Books, and Insults | The Stranger’s Slog Links to Insulted by Authors!

NYC Readings

Baby's first link!

Litblog, eh? I’ll go with it.

Thanks, Paul Constant and “Slog Tipper David.” Even though the link was buried on the second page with two comments within an hour or so, I still got about 30 hits from them. Super. I like, also, that Mr. Constant brought out the rodent-like quality of my face. The man knows his bloggers!

Click Here for More

David Mitchell Channels the Seagull from My 7th Grade Past & I Earn a New Nickname | The Strand Bookstore

David Mitchell review

A seagull divebombed my hat during lunch in 7th grade and I didn't notice the drying streaks of multi-hued shit until someone pointed it out in algebra an hour later. Thanks for making me relive the laughter, David.

Stars align. This was one of the first insults I’d dared ask for, and it was the first insult I’d received outside of a reading/signing. It was as if Hemmingway Himself guided me to The Strand that day in search of a rare book. I normally don’t put much stock in religion, but there’s still enough old Catholic spiritualism (and self-loathing) kicking around in my subsconcious to wonder if I’d been guided to Mr. Mitchell by way of a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Click Here for More

The (un)Kindly Ones – Nicole Krauss Reading from Great House | Brooklyn Public Library

As a self-effacing, wanna-be writer whose rapidly diminishing chances of ever becoming even a second-rate publishing author is paced only by his readiness to disarm his detractors by throwing his ego under the bus — to laugh at himself, his missed chances and self-inflicted miseries — I don’t particularly like people who take themselves too seriously.

Nicole Krauss apologizes for using the word “asshole” in front of a crowd who’ve already chuckled at its use. She pauses after reading a passage like she expects the audience to murmur in appreciation with sub-sonic “ohhs” and “oohs” that wouldn’t be audible unless it was released in a dead-quiet auditorium. She then waits just a beat too long before beginning again, as if she, too, needed a moment to recover from that Sad Truth despite being the author of said Sad Truth and having read the same passage dozens of times in the last month.

Click Here for More

My Old Man Rips Tim McCarver a New One | Email

Though really, he should’ve taken aim at Joe Buck, that pompous fuck.

Below is my Pa’s response to an earlier email containing many complaints about a lack of cable television with which to watch sports, especially NCAA football and MLB playoffs.

I love my old man.

Click Here for More

Rosencrans Baldwin’s “Taste” for Scatology Attracts Huge Crowd | McNally Jackson Bookstore

Rosencrans Baldwin Reading Review – You Lost Me There

Rosencrans Baldwin review

Someone isn't a fan of corn

The turnout at McNally Jackson was surprising. I’d not heard or read any of the hype buffeting Mr. Baldwin’s first novel, You Lost Me There, so the kind of flitty buzzing of low voices that comes from an expectant crowd came as a shock. The attendance dwarfed A.L. Kennedy’s (a week or so before) and Tom McCarthy’s (the next day). Neither got this kind of elbow-to-elbow attention from pastel sweaters and thick black plastic glasses. I jittered out a few vicarious shivers and grit my teeth through a brief belly-cut of jealousy. Brief because he looked more surprised about the crowd than I, and spoke like a man appropriately appreciative of the strong attendance. Christ. You can’t help but like the guy.

Click Here for More