Rick Moody Reading – The Four Fingers of Death
When and if I finally convince a significant other that my manly sperm is a viable partner for her exacting ova and we raise a couple of screaming brats, I’ll sit him or her down on my knee after distracting it to silence with promises of sweets long enough to tell it a life lesson: learn to love to read because your heroes will (mostly) be approachable. And not in the stalker way. Necessarily.
Then I’ll order up some future beer with which to get space-loaded and continue berating the child for all my life’s failures.